I usually am an optimistic speaker, but I have found treasure in listening and speaking words of truth. Words that seem to cause pain to others. Words that cause pain to me. Harshness is not my vibe it scares me yet I am learning to adapt to it, to the punishment, to forgive myself for being a weak ass bitch sometimes. Wow, the most beautiful things happen to me when I am sober, and the coolest things happen when I am on drinking alcohol. Alcohol scares me sometimes. I feel like I will be pretty and boring and basic with out it, and I like that. I also feel like there is no more pressure to drink at the club and that I can conduct business, fairly and honestly.. Right now would be a good time to save money if i am going to emotionally connect with the guests i meet and know already. The world is a good place, when you find good people and hold on to them. forever.
Tear them down
I walked in and had to ignore all the things yall bought from the grocery store
I glanced down and saw them cans and went to the bedroom that belonged to the man
You were sick and I was high off our love. Then your granny came knockin with hair as white as a dove.
Warning us that we were in danger layin on that bed, and that must have messed with your head, because soon after you had gotten up and went to the bathroom sink and puked out that chicken i had cooked for us the middle of it pink.
Now baby had Lyme disease, nothing small like a cough and sneeze and he got treated for it with some meds got bitten by a tick like a man with blonde dreads.
Now i walk through this house and although its less cluttered its like walking through a maze and when i hear you come in the kitchen door all these walls get in the way of our gaze.
so its best we just tear down these walls and have big rooms instead of halls. just tear them down, tear them down, tear em all down.
Paranoia
You talkin bout me?!
The democrats want to change everything, but I have the right to my second Amendment. Let’s find out what the second amendment is.
The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
There it is, and I thought he was talking about us as in his family wanting to change things around the house but he had the right to keep it the way he wants because he owns it and the property. Trying to see if someone was talking in code.
But no i was wrong and thank God, yeaaa go bear armsss for all means. We do too. As was eavesdropped on a phone call. I made my rice and beef, but not the onions. With a full household there is so much going on a once, and so
Katchup.
A family of four tomatoes crossed the road and the baby tomato was the last one behind. The Father goes back toward the baby tomato and a bus runs it over right before he reached it. He says “ketchup.”
I think that’s how the story was told it was in that movie. I can’t think of it right now. I know it wasn’t kill bill, but the woman was being babysat by a man, and she told that to him. Well the reason I titled mine katchup was because about 8 months ago I stopped blogging because i was busy giving birth. So now I am catching up.
It all went to plan and even better, I was able to birth in front of 3 women, Yvonne, Tammie, Tiffany, my husband Tyler, and my son Black Bear while Uncle Steve and Grandma Katie sat in the living room watching t.v.
But i don’t want to dwell on the past. I remember writing a lot in high school I had a journal and I wrote down my thoughts and my days in the journal, of course not thinking anyone would read it. Although i did share it with my best friend Alex and then my teachers made it mandatory to write in a journal that we turned in because i was in acting school. Back then my writing was more fun. Now a days it feels like im writing to turn in an essay. I need that zest again where im writing and i know that no one is going to read it except for one person, one person who wont judge and who will actually enjoy the writing. I believe that person is my husband. I usually share these things with the people who i am closest to.
Im watching movies on writers. Little women has been paused in the background right nowso that i could write a bit. Black bear is addicted to his mothers milk. I make myself 10 blended raw eggs with two bananas and frozen strawberries twice day. I put a scoop of protein powder and prenatal vitamin in it. so that 20 raw eggs. I really dont give a shit what the doctors have to say about all the cholesterol. I need the extra calories because Im breastfeeding two babies. And its the easiest and fastest way to do it. and i dont need to make up excuses to drink it either, because I will probably drink this for years. I still eat solids, my meats, and oatmeals, and salads and fish and what not. Black Bear my two year old drinks two bottles of it a day two. 10 oz
I can spoon feed Blue Bird it they love it. But they realllllyyy love my boobs. Nothing tastes like mams milk. and i gladly give blue bird, but black bear is getting to that age where i can feel us weening off. he doesnt want to ofcourse. but i want some space sometimes. rights to my own body not being sucked on. he use to keep my boobs drained but this past week i have been replacing the smoothie for him and my boobs will swell up, so when they get too big and blue bird cant empty them out during her feedings, i let him finish off the meals.
Everytime i breathe in theres a nice knuckle crack in my back. Feels satisfying. NOt everytime but sometimes. I will make ground beef tonight, rice, and sauteetd onions. Around 5 when Tyler gets back. Doing investigative fingerprinting training today. Like detectives, he did dtac earlier this morning, and i def will take juijitzi classes in the months to come. I am thirsty i will go get some water from the fridge, i am also hungry, what shall i eat? Oh i could totally get into some warm buttery oatmeal with maple syrup on top. We need bananas, we need meat. I loved eating salmon and rice with chicken broth. Hmmm what else i want something refreshing theres ginger ale zevia in the fridge, i should get one.
My lips taste sweet from this grape zevia. I will go feed black bear the rest of my boobs i think and lay down and watch little women. I hope we dont wake blue bird up in the process.
Master Key 7 Recordings
We are recording our thoughts and dmp’s down now. So we get to hear our voices saying our dmp’s. It’s a great tool to use while falling asleep. I usually like falling asleep to Tracy Holloway’s birth affirmations and guided meditations. I am listening to Orgasmic Birth right now on audible as well before bedtime.
The most important thing to me right now is giving birth. Regardless of any of my smart goals and other things I have realized through the master key system about myself. I truly am focused on the birth of my new born, it’s only natural. A woman has no choice but to think of the labor that is to come. It’s expected. I am excited.
Bare Soul 